IS THIS *CONVENIENT* ENOUGH FOR YOU?!

i guess now would be an appropriate time for amanda to ACT like she's trying to actually help me with my therapy and having them send me back to courage kenny to waste MORE of my fucking time being underestimated just being forced to do shit i can do here at my own damn apartment FOR CHEAPER because her and my mom both think i'm stupid, so i'll just willingly be forced to go back to the courage center EVERY weekday JUST to make them have another fuckin mindless client. i HOPE that i made myself CRYSTAL CLEAR to the people with actual brains who take care of where i go for therapy (my care coordinator) with the refusal to have ANY desire to go to courage kenny bullshit again. IF amanda REALLY was that damn concerned about me- she'd KNOW that ONE of my goals i even told courage kenny and they put in my records was that i wanted to get my DRIVER'S LICENSE again, along with a vehicle i could drive independently but seeing as amanda is MORE concerned with HERSELF (like the rest of my damn family except joe)- SHE IGNORES THE FACT THAT I'VE ALREADY WENT TO THE COURAGE CENTER FOR AT LEAST 3 OR 4 FUCKING YEARS. does she think that i just rolled outta bed and started walking around without falling or tripping? I HAD TO LEARN IT FROM SOMEWHERE idiot. you're obviously not empathetic either because that requires INTELLIGENCE and you've shown me ABSOLUTELY NO EMPATHY. she just tries to play it cool and considers telling me "YOU GOT THIS!" as support and encouragement, not even lending me any GUIDANCE or MOTIVATION WHATSOEVER.. no.. that would require effort and time which SHE DOESN'T HAVE FOR ME. i'm sorry i don't roll over and live off social security while living with pca support or home health aid support like when i lived in the courage residence for SEVERAL MONTHS before i moved to an apartment in minneapolis. BUT OH! SHE'D ALREADY KNOW ALL OF THAT IF SHE TRULY CARED AS MUCH AS SHE TRIES TO INSINUATE SHE DOES. pfft.. *rolls eyes* just get me to the east coast and i'll figure shit out myself, seeing as that's too INCONVENIENT for you to do even though my grandma used to swear to me every night for the last year or two of her life EVERY night i spoke to her on the phone that "AMANDA WILL GET YOU TO NEW YORK WHEN I DIE!".. rrright.. it's been EXACTLY TEN YEARS IN TEN DAYS SINCE SHE DIED in 10 days. i just looked at her funeral announcement on my fridge. HAS AMANDA GOT ME LIVING IN NEW YORK YET?! THE MOST SHE DID WAS TRY TO TALK ME OUTTA IT (PROBABLY SO SHE WOULDN'T BE EXPECTED TO HELP ME DO SOMETHING THAT WOULD REQUIRE TIME, EFFORT, AND CARE FROM HER- HOW INCONVENIENT!). she also enjoys laughing at me with my other cousins about how i'll "never get to new york". consider me the fly on the wall. I KNOW. this place i'm at now probably wouldn't be so bad if i had an actual job (part-time is okay) to keep my MIND off of how much shit sucks for me. i apply to at least three jobs a day on indeed, so you CAN'T SAY I'M NOT TRYING. so take that bullshit argument i KNOW you're thinking OUT of your damn pretentious head. i've had a job coach AT LEAST since i stopped going to summitoic in 2022.. i'm pretty sure i always had one before then also.. since i was living at my first apartment in minneapolis. THE REALITY IS: NO ONE WANTS TO HIRE DISABLED PEOPLE AND I'M SICK OF DOING THE SAME SHIT OVER AND OVER WHILE BEING UNDERESTIMATED FOR THEIR ADVANTAGE AND CONVENIENCE WHILE PEOPLE YOU KNOW AND GREW UP WITH LAUGH AT YOU ARROGANTLY WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU'VE WENT THROUGH SHIT BUT TOO IGNORANT TO PAY ATTENTION TO ALL THE SHIT YOU'VE WENT THROUGH/HAVE TO GO THROUGH JUST IN ORDER TO WORK. so BEFORE you start trying to "HELP" me (just doing what's convenient for YOU and keeping my negative bum of a mom happy when it's NOT *HER* FUCKING LIFE)- ASK ME MY OPINION SINCE THIS IS MY LIFE!
tomorrow i start my first day of spanish in the classroom. i'm excited because it'll actually require me to use my brain to do something that will actually HELP me. i know some spanish but not what i'd consider so i'm fluent in it. i'd like to be more fluent in it, especially because chances are- i'm gonna get deported (even if i have taken the steps to legalize my citizenship). my grandma was naively over confident and she just always used to tell me that i couldn't be deported because i'm a joint citizen. turns out grump's fat ass wants to get rid of dual citizenship.. what a coincidence.